First adult challenges: a psychologist discusses the crisis of your twenties and how to navigate through it successfully.

The beginning of adulthood often feels like a time of limitless opportunities. However, young people frequently experience anxiety about their future. It seems like just yesterday you finished school, and now you are expected to be an adult and face all of life's challenges. Instead of confidence, doubts, fears, and constant comparisons with others arise. Why does everyone around seem so successful, while you feel stuck in one place? Am I really where I should be? This feeling is familiar to many and is known as the quarter-life crisis.

UNN spoke with crisis and transitional life therapist Oksana Collins about why the quarter-life crisis feels so challenging and how to turn this difficult stage into the beginning of personal development.

- What is the quarter-life crisis? How does it manifest?

The quarter-life crisis does not occur the moment you turn 20.

It is a period in a young person's life that can arise mainly between the ages of 20 and 30, sometimes a bit earlier, when they take steps into adulthood: making their first independent decisions, facing numerous choices, and essentially searching for and beginning to build their identity, relationships, values, and life perspectives, determining their paths for realization.

This is a process and a psychological state that is experienced as a moment of significant upheaval and confusion in life when psychological needs emerge and intensify:

• for increasing independence (physical – living separately, emotional – making decisions independently, financial – having their own income),
• for social engagement (through employment and other social involvement: volunteering, etc.),
• for influence (over their own life and others).

At the same time, opportunities to meet these needs may be limited due to a lack of experience, internal uncertainty, doubts, lack of self-confidence, and various other psychological and social factors.

Typically, this period is characterized by feelings of confusion, some uncertainty regarding one's future, doubts about the correctness of the chosen path (for example, chosen studies or career direction), and questions regarding relationships, where often the person involved is evaluated with the question: "Is this my person?".

This can be accompanied by heightened anxiety due to the sense of significant responsibility for one's future, for the choices made or to be made ahead, fear of making mistakes, going the wrong way, wasting time, failing, or being unsuccessful.

- What factors contribute to the onset of the quarter-life crisis?

It depends on the individual's life situation, ambitions, psychological traits, and the environment in which they are growing up.

Often, a primary factor is the transition from the social role of a student/education seeker to that of an employee/job seeker, along with the pressure that a young person may feel.

This pressure is typically related to:

• the difficulty of immediately finding a job, a calling, or a dream job (due to, again, limited experience, labor market conditions, and competition),
• expectations from the environment or established internal beliefs ("it’s time to become independent / already have my own income / "stop relying on parents" / "by 30 you need to be successful", etc.),
• the strong influence of internal desires that expand and scale (particularly regarding travel, possessions, devices, a certain lifestyle), which requires increased financial resources,
• comparing oneself to others.
• The latter is further amplified and distorted by social media, as it creates a false impression that absolutely everyone is already successful, accomplished, and wealthy, with great relationships and properties, taking their parents on vacations and only wearing brands (the key word in this sentence is distortion).

Of course, one should not overlook internal factors.

People with high internal criticism and low self-esteem are more susceptible to the quarter-life crisis, which often manifests externally as insecurity, difficulty in making decisions, insufficient self-belief, frequent doubts about their capabilities, and a tendency toward internal conflicts (particularly between "what I want" and "what I can").

- What signs indicate the onset of an age crisis?

The beginning of any crisis is primarily characterized by internal feelings.

Metaphorically, it can be described as a feeling of being cramped in how life is currently organized and how one’s needs are being met.

There is an undeniable sense of discomfort and a desire for change, but at the same time, a lack of understanding of what specific changes are needed, how to implement them, and where to start.

It also resembles an inability to find one's place, to have peace, and to feel whole and equal alongside others.

- Does everyone experience the quarter-life crisis? Is it possible to go through it "asymptomatically"?

In one way or another, certain signs of the quarter-life crisis are familiar to if not everyone, then the vast majority. It is indeed one of the age-related crises. It is entirely normal to experience, live through, and encounter this.

However, the intensity, duration, and complexity of experiencing this period can vary and depend on individual circumstances and traits.

Individuals who have support during this time, who are open to new experiences, and who are willing to confront challenges and embrace failures tend to navigate this period more smoothly.

In contrast, individuals striving for perfection in everything, aiming for the best results, who feel they have no right to make mistakes, to move at their own pace, to reconsider, or to act differently, and those lacking close relationships with others, tend to be more reclusive and have a heightened sense of responsibility and self-demand.

This does not mean that the second category of people is in any way inferior or flawed. Nor does it imply that if you identify with characteristics from this second list, you should change yourself and push to act in ways that do not come naturally to you.

Typically, deeply within, these individuals are more sensitive and vulnerable, requiring greater attention to their feelings, states, and more care for themselves while embracing greater self-acceptance.

- Should everyone immediately seek a psychologist for this issue?

I think it cannot be labeled as an urgent necessity, but visiting a psychologist or psychotherapist during crisis periods can be an important support option, a place to sort out and understand something significant about oneself, to declutter where confusion exists and to find answers to one’s questions.

Of course, it can be important, and sometimes critically necessary, to consult a specialist if during the crisis period red flags arise: intensified anxiety or depressive states that hinder daily activities, persistent intrusive thoughts, or suicidal ideation.

- How does separation from parents affect this crisis?

In fact, separation from parents is one of the factors related to the onset of this crisis.

In the internal dynamics of this life period and process, there exists a conflict between the desire for independence and the need for closeness.

For young people, it becomes critically important to feel not just separated from their parental family but also whole, which often includes a sense of being able to care for oneself in a broad sense.

At the same time, due to the fragility and instability of their position, there is a need to rely on others, their opinions, perspectives, and to have various forms of support: verbal, moral, material.

Overall, it is worth noting that separation is also a process, not a one-time act or outcome.

It occurs throughout a person's life, but certainly, during the quarter-life crisis, there can be a significant leap in this process, which can sometimes be painful, as these are powerful changes, and it is important to give oneself time to adapt.

- What advice can you give to ease the passage through this stage?

• First and foremost, I would urge looking at this crisis not as a problem to be overcome or solved, but as a normal and natural period of life.

I often hear from young people that they start blaming themselves for struggling during this period, for having difficulties finding work, or for not yet finding their place in society or establishing relationships. Some even reach the conclusion that something is wrong with them if things are not straightforward, defined, and easy.

I always repeat, and here I want to emphasize: "It’s okay to sometimes feel not okay"; this is not a reason to blame oneself or to treat oneself critically or disrespectfully.

• Allow yourself to make mistakes, to be imperfect, and to fail.

I know this sounds great and is easy to say, but in practice, it can be more challenging to implement and requires time and patience. However, you can start with small steps, and sometimes even intentionally make mistakes to show your brain that it’s not as scary as it seems, and sometimes it can even be beneficial.

I recommend watching a TEDx video featuring a man who undertook a challenge to receive 100 rejections. It’s a very inspiring example!

• Practice reframing problems into tasks.

This is what we do in therapy or during counseling. For instance, a person may state: "I don